I'm growing very uncomfortable at the thought of being around people. If I want to go somewhere, I have to deal with the fact that there will be people there. I don't do crowds. I don't like seeing so many faces. I don't like so much noise. Unless I have to when distractions are being seeked.

Do I smell a social phobia? Sociophobia. Probably not. I do have some kind of phobia, probably a couple more. I'm afraid of large bodies of water. Hydrophobia. Fear of water. But I'm not afraid of water alone. I'm afraid of things such as lakes or oceans. Just thinking about the depth of the ocean makes me a bit uneasy.

Back to sociophobia. I do dislike people but I don't fear them. I can't really ignore people. I still don't know how I got through and how I still get through being around people. I always tend to feel fake around others. And no, I don't plan on seeking a professional. I did that once for a different reason but it wasn't my choice. I still can't believe that I actually went through it. It was a favor that I couldn't reject because it would have been rude. I'm still surprised that this world has enough space for everyone, enough space that we can call our own, and that it's not overcrowded enough that we have trouble breathing. It's very much surprising.

So much effort, just to exist.

Until then, you have to live with yourself
Until then, you have to live with yourself